Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
