hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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