is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
