Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
