Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
