I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
