I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize