I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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