I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
