Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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