note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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