The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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