BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Never let your siblings swipe right.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
