so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
