Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Randomize
