i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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