forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize