Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize