I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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