I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
