After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
