So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
