The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
