they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
