i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
