So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
