apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
