Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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