Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
