you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
