just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
