I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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