I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
