she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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