saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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