I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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