It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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