just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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