Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
