Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
