After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
