I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
