My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
