Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
