Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
