party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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