We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
