i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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