Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
