I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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