none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
