girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
