stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
