i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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