Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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