Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
