Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize