I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize