1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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