You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
