So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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