I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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