If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
