Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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