Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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