sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
it's great music for shaving your balls
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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