I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
