I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
