That's intense
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
