we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
