it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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