How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
