Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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