I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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