There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
